Hello everyone.

Due to technical difficulties I've had to move my blog to Wordpress, so you can now find me at:

http://godlessmonkey.wordpress.com

The One True Religion

As the bells pealed loud and clear one crisp autumn Sunday the faithful came quickly, filling the stadium for the weekly gathering. In their brightly colored regalia, holding icons and banners, they took to the stands in an orderly fashion. It was once again time to worship at the alter of the Team Spirit.

It was a particularly joyous day. A buzz had gone through the town that there would be a guest speaker this day. Everyone hoped it would be the one they had waited for these many months, but no one dared utter the name for fear of jinxing it. As the stands quickly filled, a wave of excitement raced through the crowd in anticipation of the rousing strains of the band striking up the opening chords of the call to worship.

As the cheerleaders took to the field, their uniforms spelling out the name of the saviour in capital letters the worshippers rose to their feet in reverent praise of the blessing about to be bestowed upon them.

Striding purposefully onto the field and mounting the podium, Pastor Montana cut a dashing figure, his slight limp reminding the crowd of his selfless dedication to the holiness of The Game. He raised his hands to the heavens and all could see his lips moving in silent supplication and thanks. Many were moved to tears.

As the buzz faded he looked about and smiled. "I am so very grateful to have you all here today once again," he intoned into the microphone, "Praise be and glory in the highest. Another touchdown for Jesus!"

The crowd went wild, hooting and shouting praise. He motioned for calm. "My friends, it is a special day today. I am honored to announce that we have a very special guest today who has graciously made time to be here to deliver today's sermon."

Again the crowd was on their feet, their excitement more than they could contain. The word on the street was true, the one they had hoped for, indeed prayed for was here. Their prayers had been answered.

Pastor Montana continued. "We will open the service with a hymn. You all know the words. Sing along, please."

The organ began, and the band on the field responded as the worshippers rose and broke into song.

"Glory be, glory be, a Hail Mary pass, then a touchdown please. The game and the quest, we toil for the best, the blood will be rife, drop kick us Jesus through the goal posts of life..."

As the hymn wound down there was a resounding amen and everyone sat down again. Pastor Montana bowed his head for a moment in reflection and then spoke into the microphone.

"My friends, without further adieu, I give you the man you've all been waiting for. The great, the only, John the Maddening!"

The roar that filled the crowd as the adored one trotted onto the field and up to the podium was deafening. The crowd were beside themselves. Without a word, John raised his arms, fingers extended, indicating a touchdown. Again the crowd went wild. He grinned broadly and leaned into the microphone. "Praise be! Glory in the highest!"

When the roar had died down he put on a serious look and began. "My fellow worshippers, I am so very proud to be here today to share your joy and to join you in praise of Jesus and the divine game."

Murmurs of assent ran through the stands. "For what are we, if not followers of the Way?" He looked meaningfully at the crowd. "My friends, we are the ball, Jesus is the wide receiver and God is the quarterback. Amen!"

Erupting in enthusiast applause, the crowd shouted his name, interspersed with calls for sainthood and tributes of everlasting love and adoration. John led them in another hymn, the marching band doing an elaborate routine that ended with them in a cross formation, drawing yet more applause from the stands.

The remainder of the service proved a big hit, and Pastor Montana and John thanked the attendees and prepared them for the game to follow.

"Thank you all again for being here, my fellow travellers," Pastor Montana intoned. "As soon as we clear the field the game will begin. As you know, we will be playing Satan's Army today, may the best team win!"

The crowd erupted into enthusiastic chanting. "Death to evil, doomed to fail. Satan's Army, back to hell!" It was yet another Sunday in the Church of the One True Religion.

The Missing Link - Found At Last?

I always knew it was just a matter of time. Eventually the "missing link" would be found, and now it's believed that the day has come. If it really is the holy grail of evolutionary science, it's going to have profound implications.

I can just hear the howls of protest now from the creationists. They will insist it's a hoax, or worse, a conspiracy. The absence of the link has been their slim hope that Darwin was wrong, and now it looks like that's finally being taken away from them. In case you don't know the facts behind all this yet, it's like this:

An almost perfectly intact specimen of an unknown creature was discovered in 1983(!) by a team of amateur fossil hunters inside a mile-wide crater outside of Frankfurt, Germany. The crater it was discovered in is believed to be a volcanic caldera where scores of animals from the Eocene epoch were killed and their remains were kept remarkably well preserved.

The pit has been a major source of fossils over the years, but the inexperienced archaeologists didn't realize the value of their find. Years after it was found it was bought by the University of Oslo and studied in secret for two years. The researchers who studied the fossil, led by Jørn Hurum of the University of Oslo's Natural History Museum, nicknamed her "Ida." It is apparently the remains of a roughly 9-month-old female that probably looked a lot like modern lemurs.

Apes, monkeys and humans all belong to a group called anthropoids. Debate has raged for decades about the origins of this group. It is believed by most that anthropoids likely sprung from either the extinct omomyids or the tarsiers (large-eyed primates with living relatives in Southeast Asia).

Jørn Hurum and his team advocate the minority hypothesis that in fact a third group, adapids, eventually gave rise to monkeys, apes and humans. They argue that Ida, whose scientific name is Darwinius masillae, is an adapid, and has features more closely aligned with anthropoids than with lemurs, which are thought to be adapid descendants.

Already the drums of dissent are being beaten. Fox News couldn't wait to jump in to the fray, running out to find "experts" willing to deny this is the missing link, even though they haven't been anywhere near the find. There will be more of the same in the months to come from the superstitious who would love to drag us all kicking and screaming back in to the dark ages of fear and acrimony before reason took hold.

I have no idea if this thing will prove to be what the member of the team in Oslo claim it is, but I for one am willing to keep an open mind and watch this thing unfold. This could be the greatest scientific discovery of the 21st century. Let's just hope the forces of darkness can't keep that from being recognized if it is, in fact, true.

A Weekend At The Lake

While Eric and Sam unloaded the car, Dave took Alan down to the lake to show him around. Dave had bought the cabin a year ago and was proud of it.

"Isn't this fantastic? We picked a great weekend for this getaway, are you digging this weather, or what?" Dave was grinning away.

"It's awesome, man. How's that water for swimming?"

"That's the best part, man. Nothing like a night swim here. The water is plenty warm after a hot day like this. We should take a swim later tonight."

"That sounds great."

They went back to help with the rest of the unloading and getting the cabin set up for the weekend. Taking Eric aside, Dave made sure Alan was out of earshot.

"So you brought your snorkel, right? I've baited the hook; he's keen to have a swim after dark. This is gonna be a great prank. I'm glad you thought of it."

Eric was smiling. "Oh yeah, I've got it. He's gonna get the fright of his life. Hope he's got a good sense of humour."

They spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and telling stories. After awhile Dave drove into town to get some steaks for the grill and to stock up on beer. Eric and Sam decided to make sure Alan was still keen.

"Hey Alan, Did Dave mention how nice the lake is for swimming? You brought your trunks with you, didn't you?"

"Yeah, sure did. Should we go now?"

"No, let's wait till after dark, it's great out there in the moonlight."

The rest of the day was round after round of male bonding, great food and copious quantities of beer. After sundown Dave gave a sign to the others to put the prank in play and the game was on. Eric got up and stretched.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna make a quick run into town, I'll meet you guys in the lake. I think it's time for that swim."

He left the cabin and the others changed and headed for the lake. Dave and Sam could barely contain themselves. They all dived in, and as promised the water was warm and inviting. They swam around for a while and then stood waist deep and just basked in the warm evening moonlight and talked.

Alan was looking around. "Hey, shouldn't Eric be back by now?"

Dave brushed it off. "Hell, he's probably chatting up some chicks in town, trying to get them to come out to the cabin. He'll be here soon."

Alan was about to respond when his eyes went wide and he screamed and fell into the water. He was kicking frantically and yelling for help. Dave and Sam did their best not to bust out laughing and waded over to where Alan was thrashing around.

"Hey, man, what's up? What's all the screaming about?" Dave did his best to sound concerned.

"Oh my god! Something grabbed my ankle. I was being pulled down. I kicked it with my other foot and it let go! We gotta get outta here!"

Scrambling for the shore, Alan didn't see his friends high-fiving each other before they got out of the water. They all headed back to the cabin. When they got there Alan was white as a sheet.

"Man, that was insane! What the hell could it have been? I could feel fingers around my ankle, and when I kicked it, it was slimy. Glad I wasn't alone."

Dave put on a concerned face. "This is weird man. Nothing like that has ever happened. Wonder what it could have been?" He smirked at Sam when Alan wasn't looking.

Alan was shaking. "I don't know, but I'm glad it's over. I'm gonna go take a shower."

When he left the room Dave looked at Sam.

"Wonder where Eric is? He should have had time to dry off and come in by now."

The door opened and in walked Eric with blood running down his face from a cut on his forehead.

Dave ran to his friend. "What happened man? Did he kick you in the head?"

Eric shook his head. "What are you talking about? I went out around the back way to sneak into the lake through the woods and I tripped over a root and hit my head on a rock. I've been out cold for I don't know how long. I just came to a minute ago. Where's Alan?"

Dave and Sam stared at each other, each feeling icy fingers stealing up their spines, Dave wondering how much he could get for the cabin.

Only The Good Die Young? Really?

Well it's not really true, then, is it. I can think of many good people who lived to a ripe old age just off the top of my head. Have you ever wondered where the expression originated though? No, no, It did not spring fully formed from the head of Billy Joel. It's a little older than that. Actually, it's a lot older than that.

It goes back to Greek mythology. In the Homeric hymn to Apollo, Trophonius, a mythological hero, built Apollo's temple at the oracle at Delphi with his brother, Agamedes. Once finished, the oracle told the brothers to do whatsoever they wished for six days and, on the seventh, their greatest wish would be granted. They did and were found dead on the seventh day. The saying "those whom the gods love die young" comes from this story. An alternative version of the story has it that they built a treasure chamber (with secret entrance only they knew about) for King Hyprieus of Boeotia. Using the secret entrance, they stole Hyprieus' fortune. He was aware but did not know who the thief was; he laid a snare. Agamedes was trapped in it; Trophonius cut off his head so that Hyprieus would not know who the body in the snare was. He then fled into the cavern at Lebadaea, and disappeared forever. Man, those Greeks could sure spin a good yarn.

Down through the years it came to be "only the good die young". So why do we choose to say something along these lines when we outlive someone younger that ourselves? I never have, but I've heard it said many times. I suppose the obvious reason is to honour them in death. Really though, isn't their "goodness" relative? How many times have you heard someone refer to a mutual acquaintance or co-worker as good when you hold the opposite view?

But we're not supposed to speak ill of the dead. Unless it's pretty much universally agreed that the subject was evil as could be. Still, it makes me wonder. I've never had any problem speaking my mind about someone who's died it I really do feel the world is a better place without them. I'm not so crass as to speak my mind in front of anyone who would take offence, but neither will I say anything good about him or her if I really can't think of a good word to say, and yes, there have been such individuals passing through my life. Let's face it; some people really do leave the world a slightly better place with their passing. There are many historical figures that could be named in this regard.

Evil bastards die young too, though. We recently had a paranoid gun-nut here in New Zealand who killed an unarmed cop and passer-by in cold blood simply because the police had come to do a search on his house. He shot the cop in the back as he was leaving to defuse the situation. He critically wounded two other cops, then barricaded himself in his house and spent two days taking pot shots at his neighbour's houses and the police until he finally turned a gun on himself. He was young. Not real young, but young. Good riddance.

There are plenty of other instances that come up in the news all the time. So the saying is patently untrue, and yet it continues to be a popular saying. Human nature, I guess. Me, I expect I'll live to be 203. :-)

The Meeting

Pulling up in front of the meeting place, Artie revved the engine a couple of times to make sure they'd look out the window and see him. They did. Satisfied, he got out and went inside.

Carlos was leaning on a desk giving him the hairy eyeball and Artie knew how things were going to go down, but he had no choice. If he hadn't shown for the meet they'd have come for him, and kept on coming. There was nowhere to hide. This had to play out here and now. He walked to the middle of the room and looked at each of them in turn.

Ben wouldn't return his gaze. Harry was smirking at him, the bastard. That was Harry through and through. He'd really enjoy the evening. For a while, anyway. Artie smiled and didn't say a word.

Carlos gave him the evils for a minute longer, then spoke.

"Still got that nice ride, I see. Did you put the 350 Holley in it like you said you were gonna do?"

Artie smiled. "Sure did. Runs like a bandit. Maybe I'll let you spin it some time."

Carlos cocked his head. "Damn white of you, Artie. You know why you're here?"

"You called because you missed me?"

Carlos lost his grin. "Listen, asshole, this ain't no party. Me and the boys ain't happy about that last batch you cooked up for us. Word on the street is that it isn't up to standard. What's up with that?"

"That's bullshit, is what that is, Carlos. My guess is its Frankie putting the bad word in people's ears. He's got a problem with me, that's all."

Carlos moved around the table and put his arm around Artie's shoulder. "Artie, Artie, Artie. You wouldn't be trying to blow smoke up my ass, now would you?" He shifted and put both hands on Artie's shoulders and looked him the eyes.

"No, Carlos, I..."

Carlos head-butted him with all his might. Artie hit the floor like a 200-pound barbell. Walking around him in circles, Carlos went on. "You see Artie, I can't have my reputation getting all dirtied up, now can I?"

Artie groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Damn, Carlos, what the hell!"

Carlos reached down and pulled him to his feet. Harry came from behind and pinned him as Carlos rabbit punched him in the breadbasket hard and fast a couple of times. Artie could feel something tear, but he didn't make a sound. Ben stood to the side awaiting instructions.

"You see, Artie, you're costing me here. It's not like you're the only cook around. You've got a reputation, sure, but I can't help thinking you screwed me here. I don't like thinking somebody's screwed me, Artie.

Seeing the next punch coming, Artie rolled with it, feeling a couple of teeth loosening. He spit out blood.

"Ouch. That don't look so good, Artie. How you feelin'?" Artie smiled at Ben as best he could.

"Like a million dollars, Ben. Your girlfriend was real good to me last night."

Ben was faster than Artie had ever seen him. His fists were a blur. When he was done Artie was barely conscious. Carlos went to the desk for a glass of water and threw it in his face.

"Stay with me, sunshine. We're not through here. I want to know where the stuff is you made the last batch with. I need to see this with my own eyes."

Artie shook his head and looked up. "Sure, Carlos. It's all at my place. You remember how to get there?"

Carlos nodded. "Harry, Ben, tie him to that chair. We're gonna go for a ride."

Artie reached in his pocket and threw his keys to Carlos. "There's my house key, right next to the ignition key."

Carlos looked the keys over. "You know, I think we'll take that spin you offered, Artie. You won't be needing the car now, will you?"

Artie didn't say a word as they tied him up, he just glared at Carlos. They were laughing as they left, locking the door behind them, so they didn't see or hear Artie doing the same.

Five seconds later as Carlos turned the key in the ignition the blast blew out the windows and knocked the chair Artie was tied to across the room, smashing it and loosening the rope.

Artie got up painfully and headed for the back door. It was going to be a long walk back to town.

Papua New Guinea - An Untamed Land

I have been fascinated by Papua New Guinea for several years now. It's a place I would very much like to visit, and a few years ago I did quite a bit of research into doing exactly that, only to find it was horrendously expensive. To really do it right, and that means flying into the interior, to the Sepik River region and cruising the river in order to reach the villages and really get the full experience runs in excess of $1000 a day per person.

Someday I'm going to go. In the mean time I continue to learn more about the place. I collect artefacts from there, including storyboards, masks and ancestor carvings. It is truly one of the last unspoiled, primitive places on earth.

Papua occupies the eastern half of the island of New Guinea in the south-western Pacific. It is part of the area known as Melanesia. Its capital, and one of its few major cities, is Port Moresby. Truly one of the most diverse countries in the world, with over 850 indigenous languages and at least as many traditional societies, out of a population of just under 6 million.

Papua is also one of the world's least explored regions, culturally and geographically, and many undiscovered species of plants and animals are thought to exist in the interior of Papua New Guinea. It wouldn't surprise me if future breakthroughs in cures for diseases ends up coming from there.

It has a very rugged geography. A range of mountains runs the length of the island of New Guinea, forming a populous highlands region. Dense rainforests can be found in the lowland and coastal areas. Papua New Guinea gained its independence from Australia in 1975. It remains a Commonwealth realm.

PNG is an ancient place. Human remains have been found which have been dated to about 50,000 years ago. The inhabitants probably had their origins in Southeast Asia. A major migration of Austronesian speaking peoples came to coastal regions roughly 2,500 years ago, and this is correlated with the introduction of pottery, pigs, and certain fishing techniques. Little was known in the West about the island until the nineteenth century. There are hundreds of ethnic groups indigenous to Papua New Guinea, the majority being from the group known as Papuans, whose ancestors arrived in the New Guinea region tens of thousands of years ago. The others are Austronesians, their ancestors having arrived in the region less than four thousand years ago.

There are three official languages for Papua New Guinea. English is an official language, and is the language of government and the education system, but it is not widely spoken. The primary spoken language is Tok Pisin (commonly known in English as New Guinea Pidgin or Melanesian Pidgin). The only area where Tok Pisin is not prevalent is the southern region of Papua, where people often use the third official language, Hiri Motu.

The culture of Papua New Guinea is very complex. It is believed that more than a thousand different cultural groups exist in PNG. Because of this diversity, many different styles of cultural expression have emerged; each group has created its own expressive forms in art, dance, weaponry, costumes, singing, music and architecture.

What inspired me to write about Papua today was a newspaper article from Port Moresby, the capital. Police in Kerema, on the south-western coast arrested four people, members of a cult, who had murdered and eaten a woman. Ironically, the killers were enticed to act by being bribed with foodstuffs. Cannibalism, though, has a long history in PNG, as it does in most of Melanesia, especially Fiji. Stories are told of it being the women who first enticed the men to kill other people for food, as they had grown bored with the usual fare. The odd thing about the news story is that the events took place in a city. Usually it's confined to the mountainous interior.

PNG is indeed a wild place with a culture that is still very primitive despite continual contact with the western world. I will go there one day. I must. There is no other place like it on earth.